I thirst: Kirstin Dowsett [Retrieve Lament]

Jesus gave us a litany of last words as a Sufferer; we refer to them as the Seven Last Words of Christ. The deathbed words of the Suffering Servant provide a framework for the stories of lament we share here this Holy Week.

I count it a high privilege to know -- at least in a small part -- the writers of the mourning stories I'll be sharing here during Holy Week. Their lives walk the path of celebration, yes, but also suffering -- illness, relational disillusionment, anxiety, joblessness, the death of loved ones, and the death of dearly-held dreams. Their stories have helped form me in my understanding of suffering and I believe they could also encourage you too. 

Today’s guest is a new friend who made her way a year-and-a-half ago from the west coast to Manhattan in order to marry her husband Drake. I’m so grateful for the handful of opportunities we’ve had to be in each other’s company - over gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches in the East Village or among a group of artists here in Connecticut. Kirstin is the sort of person that immediately makes each person she meets feel welcomed and comfortable but simultaneously invited into deep, meaningful conversation. For that reason, I especially lament the loneliness she’s experienced during her first year in Manhattan. Have you ever experienced this kind of relational desert?

Would you read Kirstin’s story with me, and listen with an open heart for any words Christ might be speaking to you?

Tabernacle,  Denise Kufus Weyhrich  70,000 communion cups collected after use from Easter 2009 to Yom Kippur 2010 held together with 7 silver ribbons reaching to the heavens. 3'x3' 2011   Source

Tabernacle, Denise Kufus Weyhrich
70,000 communion cups collected after use from Easter 2009 to Yom Kippur 2010 held together with 7 silver ribbons reaching to the heavens. 3'x3' 2011

Source

 
After this, Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfill the Scripture), ‘I thirst.’ A jar full of sour wine stood there, so they put a sponge full of the sour wine on a hyssop branch and held it to his mouth.
— John 19:28-29 (ESV)
 

Friendless (in NYC)

by Kirstin Dowsett

"I thirst.” This simple phrase has taken on such profound meaning for me in this past year. I’m humbled and challenged by Christ’s ability to be present in the moment and to voice his lack, to affirm his need. He could have remained silent. He was actively dying and knew this; his thirst was temporal. He could have dismissed it, waved away this need, let his followers mourn uninterrupted. He could have avoided being a burden to them. Yet, Christ humbly submitted to his human limits, verbally acknowledged them, and invited his community to respond to his needs.

Recently I’ve found myself taking notice and marveling at God’s ability to engage fully in reciprocal interactions with humans, even mirroring their limits though he is limitless. Whenever I’ve read the story in John 4 about Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well, I’m always amazed that the encounter starts with him asking for something from her! The Very Source of Living Water asks her for a drink. There’s a beautiful grace in Christ’s willingness to engage those around him – his community – in giving to him and providing for his needs.

His acknowledgment of his physical thirst emboldens me to acknowledge my own spiritual thirst.

I thirst. As the church calendar rolled into Lent this year, I found myself laid low under a prolonged season of loneliness, a parching lack of deeply relational community. Eighteen months ago, I left a home place where I had been embedded in a richly Christ-embodied community to join my now-husband in Manhattan. The first several months of life here were dizzying with transition in every arena; it was a season of survival. My husband and I were married last Eastertide and the celebratory spirit of our new union carried us high for several months. As life finally started to settle and relatively still (as much as life can in New York!) last autumn, we began to notice and grieve the lack of intentional community and deep knowing in our social spheres. My husband had been living in New York for two years prior to my move and was already experiencing a deficiency in deep friendships.

This experience of loneliness in New York City is not unique to my husband and myself. It is a well-covered subject. I came across Olivia Laing’s The Lonely City last year which chronicles her own and other NY artists’ experiences of loneliness. She writes:

“You can be lonely anywhere, but there is a particular flavour to the loneliness that comes from living in a city, surrounded by millions of people. One might think this state was antithetical to urban living, to the massed presence of other human beings, and yet mere physical proximity is not enough to dispel a sense of internal isolation. It’s possible – easy, even – to feel desolate and unfrequented in oneself while living cheek by jowl with others. Cities can be lonely places, and in admitting this we see that loneliness doesn’t necessarily require physical solitude, but rather an absence or paucity of connection, closeness, kinship: an inability, for one reason or another, to find as much intimacy as is desired. Unhappy, as the dictionary has it, as a result of being without the companionship of others. Hardly any wonder, then, that it can reach its apotheosis in a crowd.”

One of my favorite authors, bell hooks, lived in New York for several years. She eventually moved back to her native Kentucky and in her book, Belonging: A Culture of Place, she reflects on the years she spent in Manhattan: New York City was one of the few places in the world where I experienced loneliness for the first time. I attributed this to the fact that there one lives in close proximity to so many people engaging in a kind of pseudo intimacy but rarely a genuine making of community. To live in close contact with neighbors, to see them every day but to never engage in fellowship was downright depressing. People I knew in the city often ridiculed the idea that one would want to live in community – what they loved about the city was the intense anonymity, not knowing and not being accountable.”

My own feelings of loneliness and lack echo these women’s narratives as I’ve faced many of the dynamics they’re describing at play in New York. I’m tempted to provide a narrative of all my individual actions and the joint efforts with my spouse to promote deep relating among our peers, but this is not a reflection on my competencies or capabilities. Rather this is about me sad and at my wit’s end and unable to do a damn thing about it.

And this is how I came into Lent: thirsty. As Epiphany was winding down and I was praying about how I would participate with Lent, I was already feeling like a failure and pretty sure I was going to fail my perceived spirit of this season. The unfortunate conceptualization of Lent as a time to increase our performances of piety has long-maligned the Church’s (and my own) interaction with the gospel. Many of my previous experiences with Lent have involved a failure to perform: so many prescriptive good intentions, so many devotional studies abandoned part-way through, so many fasts broken.

I felt increasingly convicted that the Lord was asking me to commit to a fast this season and I became anxious that I would (again) be unable to keep it. As I brought this anxiety to him in prayer, I felt the Spirit asking, what has led you to break fasts in the past? What has been so frightening about allowing yourself to hunger and thirst? Why have you hurried to escape your hunger or tried to satiate it with false coping mechanisms? This time, why not remain in it and invite me into it. Tell me you thirst.

O Lord and Savior, I thirst!

So I’ve spent this Lenten season sitting face-to-face with my loneliness and thirst for community and confessing this to Christ. On Ash Wednesday I took a post-it note and scribbled, “Lent 2019: I acknowledge I thirst, I cannot sate it on my own, and I need Jesus” and stuck it in my wallet where I see it multiple times each day. A few days later on the first Sunday of Lent, after receiving Eucharist, I shuffled over to a fellow congregant who was serving in prayer ministry that day. With tears in my eyes, I told him I am lonely for friends. I confessed my thirst and acknowledged my need. And this member of the embodied Christ prayed over me.

My loneliness and thirst have served to remind me that all is not right with this world. I’ll conclude with the words of another New Yorker, Robert Farrar Capon: “For all its rooted loveliness, the world has no continuing city here; it is an outlandish place, a foreign home, a session in via to a better version of itself – and it is our glory to see it so and to thirst until Jerusalem comes home at last. We were given appetites, not to consume the world and forget it, but to taste its goodness and hunger to make it great.” I thirst because I - and my city - need resurrection.


Pray:

Almighty Father, whose dear Son, on the night before he suffered, instituted the Sacrament of his Body and Blood: Mercifully grant that we may receive it thankfully in remembrance of Jesus Christ our Lord, who in these holy mysteries gives us a pledge of eternal life; and who now lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
— Book of Common Prayer, Collect for Maundy Thursday

Holy%2BWeek.%2BDrake%2B%2526%2BKirsten%2Bbio.jpg

Kirstin Dowsett is a woman continuing to learn what it means to follow Jesus as her true self. She is a native Oregonian who is currently living in the East Village of Manhattan and thrilled to find it just as eccentric as Portland. Kirstin is grateful to share her life with her favorite person, Drake, and they are considering getting a cat. 


Once, ritual lament would have been chanted; women would have been paid to beat their breasts and howl for you all night, when all is silent. / Where can we find such customs now? So many have long since disappeared or been disowned. /

That’s what you had to come for: to retrieve the lament that we omitted.
— Ranier Maria Rilke, "Requiem For A Friend"

(See all of the Retrieve Lament stories from this year here.)

Weekend Daybook: joy in the tension edition

Seven days of collecting what I've been up to lately: places, people, books, podcasts, music, links & more for your weekend downtime.


(1) photo from the week

September.Inklings candle1.JPG

A homey scene from this past week. I love this little bookish candle and really wish someone would enroll me in Frostbeard’s candle-of-the-month club. (Christmas is like 3 months away now, right?)


(2) new posts in the Work Stories series

  1. Work Stories: Amy Willers' calling in a life transition (I’ve been enjoying hearing from many of you on how much you’re appreciating this series!)

  2. 5 Of My Favorite Authors on Discovering & Honoring Our Calling (Little booster shots of hope that our calling matters in ways that bring joy to us and goodness to those around us.)


(3) things I enjoyed watching in the last couple of months

  1. Won’t You Be My Neighbor? (There’s been quite a buzz around this beautiful documentary, and all of it well-earned. See this film. I’m afraid to mention that I bawled right in the movie theatre in case you’re the type of person scared away by feelings. Go anyway.)

  2. The Assets (This series based on the true story of CIA officers in the 1980s look for a mole to save the lives of Soviet agents working for the U.S. is eerily timely again. The story of Aldrich Ames is unbelievable, but true. The women who devote years of their work lives to catch him are unbelievable, but real. Also, Jodie Whittaker is one of my favorite actresses even when she’s acting with an American accent.)

  3. Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society (Loved the book and thoroughly enjoyed the movie!)


(4) links that felt helpful to me during this week in the news

A screenshot from what I shared on  Instagram  this week inspired by the way someone reached out to me.

A screenshot from what I shared on Instagram this week inspired by the way someone reached out to me.

There’s a time and place for each one of us to dive deep into a particular news story in order to engage with the realities surrounding us and to steward our relationships with our neighbors. There’s a time and place for each of us to unplug from the stream of news in order to steward our own hearts, minds, and souls. Most of the time, I’ve found myself somewhere in the middle. These links represent what I chose to engage during the news spectacle of the Ford-Kavanaugh hearings.

Click on this link to hear the healing experience that happened to me this week.

  1. Pantsuit Politics and Left, Right, and Center episodes (I have given up on televised news, and find these resources and a few others helpful to represent a collection of voices on current events.)

  2. Believing Women in an Age of Narcissism by Chuck DeGroat

  3. Between Brock Turner and Brett Kavanaugh, when do girls matter? by Simcha Fisher

  4. 12 Motivations Victims of Abuse Might Have for NOT Telling Their Story by Wade Mullen (Thanks to my sister and brother-in-law for sharing this link.)


(5) of my favorite books on the subject of vocation / work / calling

  1. Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker J. Palmer

  2. Finding Livelihood: A Progress of Work and Leisure by Nancy J. Nordenson (Also: Check out Nancy’s Finding Livelihood playlist on Spotify!)

  3. Kingdom Calling: Vocational Stewardship for the Common Good by Amy L. Sherman

  4. The Stories We Live: Finding God’s Calling All Around Us by Kathleen A. Cahalan

  5. Work Songs: The Porter's Gate Worship Project Vol 1 (Not a book, but if one can "read" songs, this album is a gorgeous theological treatise on the goodness of work.)


(6) photos from this week



May your weekend include meaningful personal interactions, celebration, and rest. Peace...

p.s. This post may contain affiliate links because I'm trying to be a good steward, and when you buy something through one of these links you don't pay more money, but in some magical twist of capitalism we get a little pocket change. Thanks!

7 quick takes

What I've been up to lately: places, people, books, podcasts, music, links & more for your weekend downtime.

(1) poem for your weekend

Our church's reading group, aka Apostles Reads, is meeting on Sunday to discuss Wendell Berry's poetry collection, A Timbered Choir. It's one of my favorite collections but doesn't include this beautiful poem, "The Peace of Wild Things". 

Listen and love. (Also, you can see digital versions of some of my favorite poems on my Poems board on Pinterest.)


(2) podcasts I enjoyed this week

We Need a Blue-Collar Theology of Work - How the church can best spiritually support the majority of American workers. | Quick to Listen from CT

Alice Parker: Singing Is the Most Companionable of Arts - "She began as a young woman, studying conducting with Robert Shaw at Juilliard, and collaborated with him on arrangements of folksongs, spirituals, and hymns that are still performed around the world today. Alice Parker is also a gorgeous thinker and writer, a wise and joyful woman, about why singing is able to touch and join human beings in ways few other arts can." | via On Being with Krista Tippett


(3) photo-based links I couldn't resist

81 of Kate Middleton's Best Fashion Moments - | via Marie Claire

31 Rare Historical Photos - | via All That is Interesting

5 Weird Old Home Trends I'd Love to See Make a Comeback -  | via Apartment Therapy


(4) links I love on the subject of caring for the refugee and immigrant

Deporting my Iraqi-Christian dad would be a death sentence. That's why I'm praying for justice.      - "ICE agents pounded on our door at 9:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning as we were getting ready to go to Mass. The agents said that they were doing a house check...My people are facing genocide by ISIS in Iraq because of our Christian faith." | via America Magazine

An Impossible Hope. - "Three men in Syria showed me what Jesus looks like." by Stephanie Saldaña | via Plough quarterly magazine

My Father Is Not a Powerful Man: Lessons from My Refugee People - "It does not take powerful men to live powerful lives." | via On Being blog

I Wake Close to the Morning - "Why do people keep asking to see / God’s identity papers / when the darkness opening into morning / is more than enough?" A poem by Mary Oliver. | via Tina Osterhouse blog

The Last Christians: Stories of Persecution, Flight, and Resilience in the Middle East - I've put this book written by Andreas Knapp and published by Plough onto my TBR list. You too? | via Plough


(5) blog posts from this week in the archives

2015 - Anyone want to read stories about staying married? (I'm asking for a friend...) (A few months before our 25th wedding anniversary, I wrote this as a response to a book about marriage that was good, but not great because of some key words the author avoided. Want to guess which words?)

2012 - Parenting Unrehearsed: It does take a village (Parenting advice that includes a story about one of the absolute scariest moments I've ever experienced as a mother.)

2011 - Mourning Friends (A poem-ish reflection on the ways friends have mourned with me, and I with them.)

2010 - Quick reflection re: "Christian" art (Long, long ago, in a land far, far away, I led a group of artists in our church. This post recalls one of the many times we discussed this topic of "Christian" art. It's a happy memory.)

2006 - The death of alone and unprotected (Perhaps the most vulnerable blog post I've ever written on one of the most healing realities of my life. Frankly, it's a little bit embarrassing to me that I ever wrote it, but my greater desire is to remember God's extravagant goodness to me. So the post stays, and every once in awhile, I share it again. )

2 Years Ago

At our house in Austin, a few months before our 25th wedding anniversary.


(6) photos from our time in and around Connecticut the past week

Bishop's Apple Orchard in Guilford, CT

Food trucks on Long Wharf, New Haven

A wedding on a boat in Lake George (NY)


(7) songs my sons & their friends wrote, produced, and performed

It's been a while since I've mentioned Where's Ulysses, and I've found myself telling our new friends in Connecticut about the band lately, so here's a refresher. (Also, click here to listen to their second EP, Surplus.)


May your weekend include sunshine, beauty and a good laugh, friends. Peace...

p.s. This post may contain affiliate links because I'm trying to be a good steward, and when you buy something through one of these links you don't pay more money, but in some magical twist of capitalism we get a little pocket change. Thanks!

7 Sunday evening quick takes

What I've been up to lately: places, people, books, podcasts, music, links & more for your weekend downtime.

We are watching and praying for all of those recovering from natural disasters across the globe, and particularly, those in Florida this evening. Lord, have mercy. Make your goodness known in the midst of so much tragedy.

(1) television scene from this week

So You Think You Can Dance is one of our favorite reality shows (I am notoriously picky about this genre!). This year's contestants are so, so talented. I'm not sure I've ever seen a spoken word choreography piece in previous seasons, and, overall, it's not necessarily one of the best numbers ever performed. The cultural timing, though, and the absolute poetic ferocity of the Maya Angelou soundtrack puts this performance at the top of my favorites list.


(2) albums I've listened to on repeat this week

Steadfast: Live by Sandra McCracken (so, so good)from Archbishop Foley Beach

 

The Bird & The Rifle by Lori McKenna (A great recommendation of an excellent Nashville singer/songwriter from my friend, Laura!)


(3) of my recent favorite podcast episodes

Spiritual Direction in Prison - Episode 84 // Joshua Banner - Although I've not met him in person, Joshua Banner is a friend of a dear friend, and I've followed his ministry work for several years. This interview about the contemplative prayer outreach in prisons is stunningly beautiful. | via Renovaré podcast 

Cultivated Podcast: Audrey Assad - This podcast is new to me, but is produced and hosted by another arts ministry leader I've followed for years, Mike Cosper. I'm so glad my first episode was this warm, vulnerable, encouraging interview with musician Audrey Assad. I'm looking forward to catching on back episodes! I also listened to the pilot episode of another podcast venture Cosper produced last year, The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. He articulates the humble journey his church has taken trying to be a good gift to their local arts community who welcome a church with mixed responses, including one devastating newspaper review that sent them all back to the ministry drawing board. | via Cultivated Podcast

Long Island Sound: August 29th on The Writer's Almanac with Garrison Keillor - We live two blocks from the sound, so close I can hear the Long Island ferry whistle several times a day. Also, because Emma Lazarus.


(4) photos from a little Labor Day house project

Slowly, but surely, we're getting some order in our new place! 


(5) photos from praying the hours this past week

I've been posting prayer excerpts, photos, and other resources @a_sacramental_life on Instagram.

Morning Prayer at Seaside Park, Bridgeport (that's the Long Island Ferry)

Morning Prayer at Seaside Park, Bridgeport (that's the Long Island Ferry)

Mid-Day Prayer in my Living room with Phaedra Taylor's print (" CLasp Hands in times of Trouble ")

Mid-Day Prayer in my Living room with Phaedra Taylor's print ("CLasp Hands in times of Trouble")

Vespers & Poetry at St. Mary's-by-the-Sea, Black Rock

Vespers & Poetry at St. Mary's-by-the-Sea, Black Rock

Vespers & Meal Delivery to a dear parishioner after her surgery

Vespers & Meal Delivery to a dear parishioner after her surgery

Compline walk with Brian and the dog to the UB soccer field.

Compline walk with Brian and the dog to the UB soccer field.


(6) blog posts from this week in the archives

2013 - 20 Conversation Prompts, or How Our Family Spent 60 Hours in a Mini-Van & Lived to Tell About It: 20 conversation prompts (During our 5 years in Austin, when we couldn't afford to fly everyone back to NY for visits, we got really, really skilled at roadtrips.)

2013 - 6 Roadtrip Playlists, or How Our Family Spent 60 Hours in a Mini-Van & Lived to Tell About It (Now that summer is over, I'm sharing tips for family road trips. Oh well...)

2011 - On Being Kingdom Culverts When All Others Have Crumbled (I began this blog in 2006, a couple of weeks before historic flooding hit our little hometown, requiring my family and all of our neighbors to be airlifted to dry ground. Our town (not our own home, thankfully) was devastated, but the memories of working together with our community are priceless. Just after we moved to Austin in 2011, an even greater flood hit our hometown again. From Austin, I wrote this post, hoping to encourage my family and friends who were facing, yet again, the heartbreaking work of clean up.)

2011 - Come, Home (A clunky, poem-ish reflection on the ache of leaving beloved community behind in order to respond to God's invitation and calling on our family.)

2010 - Pumpkin-chip Cookies on the First Day of School (The recipe my momma taught that became one of our family's most-loved traditions. Also my confession about only baking twice a year.)

2006 - There Are No Words (The post in which I try to process the flood that destroyed our little hometown in New York state.)

11 Years Ago

the summer we mucked out our flooded hometown - horrible circumstances, but beautiful memories


(7) books I'm reading for my certification as a Spiritual Director (I'll write about this more soon!)

sp.dir.books.jpg

May your weekend include sunshine, beauty and a good laugh, friends. Peace...

p.s. This post may contain affiliate links because I'm trying to be a good steward, and when you buy something through one of these links you don't pay more money, but in some magical twist of capitalism we get a little pocket change. Thanks!

(7 Quick Takes) from the past couple of weeks

What I've been up to lately: places, people, books, podcasts, music, links & more for your weekend downtime.

I spent a good part of August "unplugged", and have been putting this post together in bits and pieces for a few weeks. When I began writing it, we were all trying to process news about killing and acts of absolute racism in Charlottesville. This week, we're trying to make sense of Hurricane Harvey. May the Spirit of god lead us and guide us in discernment, prayer, and love for Him and for each other.

(1) "defining moment" sermon my husband preached

I was challenged, convicted, and comforted by the way Brian presented the "one side" of the Gospel response to the events in Charlottesville (and Boston). You can read his notes, and I recommend listening to the 25 minute presentation because you'll hear his heart on full display. I'm grateful to be a part of the congregation he shepherds.

Audio (25 minutes)

Note "On Current Events" (scroll to the August 23 post)


(2) statements on Charlottesville from U.S. Anglican leaders

On Charlottesville from Archbishop Foley Beach

The Charlottesville Statement from the Anglican Multiethnic Network


(3) books I'm reading

No Ordinary Time: Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt: The Home Front in World War II by Doris Kearns Goodwin (This selection was inspired by my friend Krista's recent visit to Eleanor's home in Hyde Park, NY)

Life in the Dark: the Film Issue of Image Journal, Issue 93 guest edited by Gareth Higgins and Scott Teems

Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury


(4) words I want to describe me

"Honest and funny, gracious and provocative..."

That's what Brian prayed over me recently when I was struggling to meet a writing deadline and couldn't figure out how to say the right words. He prayed this over me, and I thought: "Ah! That's exactly how I want to be. I've been waiting 46 years to figure out how to describe the way I most want to be, and he just said it perfectly in this prayer!" 

Since then, I've put the words in a place where I see them often as a reminder of his blessing.

How about you? What four words best describe the person you hope to be(come)? 


(5) photos of the sweet staycation time we spent with 3 of our kids in August

Dinner at  Captain's Cove Seaport , Bridgeport 

Dinner at Captain's Cove Seaport, Bridgeport 

Has any Dad ever looked happier with his daughters?

Has any Dad ever looked happier with his daughters?

Rainy day trip into Brooklyn -  Greenlight Bookstore

Rainy day trip into Brooklyn - Greenlight Bookstore

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Andrew's 26th birthday dinner at  Luigi's Italian  in Fairfield

Andrew's 26th birthday dinner at Luigi's Italian in Fairfield


(6) blog posts from this week in the archives

2014 - My top 4 parenting epiphanies, OR My Child is Not My Property but My Guest (Each time one of my kids graduated from high school, I experienced the a few moments of parental clarity.)

2013 - What I'd Like My Son to Say to Me On His 22nd Birthday  (Kids' birthdays give me parenting clarity, as well.)

2013 - Oh Lord, you have searched me and known my love for thrift stores ("How does it feel to hear that God knows you through and through?" And, no joke, I think about thrift stores.)

2012 - Parenting Unrehearsed: Your kids were supposed to have perfect parents (aka, Your Kids Were Supposed to Have Perfect Parents. You Were Supposed to Have Perfect Kids. You're All Plain Out of Luck.)

2012 - Parenting Unrehearsed: You kids are not fragile (aka, "Your Worst Case Scenarios Make Room for Sturdy Grace and Steady Love)

2006 - There Are No Words (The post in which I try to process the flood that destroyed our little hometown in New York state.)

5 Years Ago

the time I wrote a bunch of posts about parenting even while I was still figuring it out.


(7) Race & Church & Media links

Untangling Race, Language and Culture in America by Anne Kennedy | via Preventing Grace at Patheos

So Much of the Privileged Life Is About Transcendence by Christina Cleveland | via On Being blog

On slavery: A time for atonement | via Aleteia

Reclaiming This Nation Begins With Reclaiming Our Attention by Courtney E. Martin  | via On Being blog

Make America Again by Langston Hughes | via Topology Magazine

On Monument Wars and On Monument Wars, Revisited  | via New City Commons

On Charlottesville - | via New City Commons


May your weekend include sunshine, beauty and a good laugh, friends. Peace...

p.s. This post may contain affiliate links because I'm trying to be a good steward, and when you buy something through one of these links you don't pay more money, but in some magical twist of capitalism we get a little pocket change. Thanks!