'My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?' pt. 2 by April Swiger [Holy Week Vigil 2022]

As our family learned how to navigate grief, bellies around us continued to swell with life, and children were adopted seemingly with ease. I started to become acutely aware of the obsession in Christian culture with having lots of children (more equals blessed). I began to reckon with the fact that we had one child, and we may only ever have one child. Did that mean God wasn't pleased with us? Was there some sin we weren't aware of that He was punishing us for?

'My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?', pt. 1 by Lan-Vy N. [Holy Week Vigil 2022]

I’ve usually been comfortable with questions. Faith after all is believing when you can’t explain everything. But lately, when doubt comes, it seems to have the strength of crashing ocean waves. God, if You’re really involved in my life, then why do I keep feeling so sad? Why do I and so many others suffer? My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?

'My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" by Natalie Murphy [Retrieve Lament 2021]

My God, My God.

Not just any old God, but my God. They had a history, he and David. We had a history. This wasn’t the first time I cried out to him, but it was the first time I heard nothing in return. I cried all night. I found a golf pencil and scribbled “God, God, God” on my intake paperwork. Could he not hear me? Was there a glitch in the signal? Were these walls too thick? Literal padded walls, that must be what it took for him to finally just give up on me.

Why have you forsaken me?: Eva Chou [Retrieve Lament 2019]

After completing my last surgery, I received permission for emergency travel from my command (as all military members must), handed-off of my patients to my colleagues, and hopped on a plane with Jeff the next morning to Taiwan, where my parents had moved back to after I went off to college. In the states, I am comfortable navigating the medical system and have the inside advantage of being embedded within; in Taiwan, I am just a family member who speaks broken Chinese without any insight into their medical system. And here I was, put in charge of making medical decisions with the help of Google Translate.

Why have you forsaken me?: Amy McLaughlin [Retrieve Lament]

And Father, how did you arrive at the conclusion that the way this would play out would be good for my sister and me? Why has it taken me so long? Why has it taken you so long? I felt as if God let me stand close and beat his chest with the depth of my pain. He did not waiver. He did not stop me. I felt I was to get it all out. And He was there when I settled. I didn’t have an answer. This experience became a sort of answer.

Retrieve Lament: Rachel Spies' mourning story

The past five years I have lived in Lent. The church calendar has ticked by but I have stayed here in the barren place, the dark place where hope is for others and resurrection is a belief but not tangible. It’s one of those long stories, too long certainly for this space, with long emotions and long components, but familiar too – grief, hurt, expectations not met, illness, grief, uncertainty, abuse, adoption, mental illness, destruction. Many families enter into these lands, and many families fall apart. We did. Some families are able to weather the storm. We couldn’t.

Retrieve Lament: a mourning story from Allison Backous Troy

Our classes would gather in the school’s main hallway each morning, lining ourselves against glass windows that stretched from floor to ceiling. The teachers stood in their jackets and drank coffee, bracing themselves against the cold breeze that flowed through the ever-opening doors. We shrank back from the cold ourselves, tucking our arms and legs and chins inside our coats. One morning, Ms. Reed marched along our line and stood in front of me. “Stand up, Backous,” she said, her loud voice booming over my head. “Unzip your coat.”

I felt my face twist up as I pulled down the zipper. Ms. Reed sipped her coffee. “You are not appropriately dressed. You cannot wear T-shirts with what we talked about. Go call your mother.”

Retrieve Lament: Rachel Brown (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?)

I have Bipolar Disorder. This is not news. I always think it’s news. I always think it’s going to be so scandalous to announce. I think that telling anyone I am sick will be disappointing, will discredit any ounce of wisdom and wellness I may ever have, and undo any bit of the good I’ve done. As if this is a disease tamed by diligence and strong moral character. It does not matter how perfectly I eat, how long I sleep, how meticulously I curate my media consumption, sometimes,

I just get sick. Really sick.

Holy Week Lament: Brian Murphy (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?)

Actually, I was furious with God. I would have told Him, but I was too afraid to say how I felt out loud. Why would a God who called Himself good leave a little boy all by himself? When a friend finally gave me permission to say it out loud, I fell to the ground under the weight of my sadness. Through tears and clenched teeth, I yelled, “Why God, why did you leave me? Where were you?”

Holy Week Lament: Brian Murphy (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?)

Lament Stories, LentTamara Hill MurphyMarch 27, 2013Brian, Retrieve Lament 2013-14, grief, holy week, lent, retrieve lament, storytellers, Why have you forsaken me Comments

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